Jun.15.2007 Hamas has overtaken our beloved Palestine President Mahmoud Abbas
The Middle East always has something mind-blowing going on, whether it be Iran and its anti-sexy death penalty (for which, by the way, I was quoted on Slate amidst political blogs. This might be my proudest achievement as a human. You’d be amazed at how something I wrote sounds completely different when posted on a legitimate site), or this Presidential coup that it took me a couple readings to understand that involves one political faction, Hamas, usurping the other, Fatah,
Reuters reported that one of the fighters picked up the phone and jokingly pretended to be speaking with the U.S. secretary of state saying: “Hello Condoleezza Rice. You have to deal with me now, there is no Abu Mazen anymore.” Abu Mazen is another name for Abbas, also the Fatah leader.
Fatah ran the Palestinian government for decades before losing to Hamas in historic elections last year. Hamas’ victory was credited largely to the group’s promise to end Fatah corruption.
But Hamas’ refusal to accept Israel’s right to exist, and its refusal to renounce terrorism after carrying out dozens of deadly terrorist attacks against Israel, left it isolated from much of the world.
I just want to point out, those guys really look like they’re having fun, but they’re still tremendously awkward, arms stiffly pointing upwards triumphantly. It’s a glorious photo, as is their talking to Condoleeza Rice schtick which I’d kill to see a YouTube of.
Now, the Middle East is very complicated, but here’s what I can gather about this situation. Hamas is like the Jets and Fatah is like the Sharks of West Side Story. But the Hamas version of the Jets are a more violent version of the skipping, snapping, and jazz-handing version on Broadway with 76% more Jew hatred. Well, okay, this analogy would end up even more confusing.
Hamas won an election because Fatah was very corrupt while ruling its people, but Hamas also has strong beliefs against “Israel’s right to exist,” which seems kind of harsh. Hamas is very violent, Fatah is the ruling class. Fatah works with Israel (or tries to), Hamas blows things up and then blows up the blown up pieces. But Fatah was so bad to the people and so corrupt that the citizens of Palestine thought “Well, these Bombermen from Hamas don’t seem so bad,” and elected them as the governmental ruling power.
Fatah’s Abbas (the President) attempted to slow down the power of Hamas by removing its Prime Minister Ismail Haniya (nickname: Chuck). But Haniya refuses to leave office, Hamas responded with this Presidential compound takeover, posed for pictures and made silly videos, then probably jerked off in Abbas’ cereal for kicks.
That Middle East. Crazy place. Crazy, hairy place. I’m going to have to cancel my plans to go over there for vacation now. Great.
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