Jul.20.2007 PUT THOSE TITTAYS AWAY, HILLARY CLINTON
SOME THINGS YOU CANNOT UNSEE. THIS IS ONE OF THEM. I AM SO SHELLSHOCKED RIGHT NOW THAT I’M INCAPABLE OF TURNING OFF MY CAPSLOCK. VIA GAWKER, THE WASHINGTON POST HAS UNEARTHED HILLARY CLINTON’S CLEAVAGE ON WEDNESDAY. EGADS.
The cleavage, however, is an exceptional kind of flourish. After all, it’s not a matter of what she’s wearing but rather what’s being revealed. It’s tempting to say that the cleavage stirs the same kind of discomfort that might be churned up after spotting Rudy Giuliani with his shirt unbuttoned just a smidge too far. No one wants to see that. But really, it was more like catching a man with his fly unzipped. Just look away!
With Clinton, there was the sense that you were catching a surreptitious glimpse at something private. You were intruding — being a voyeur. Showing cleavage is a request to be engaged in a particular way. It doesn’t necessarily mean that a woman is asking to be objectified, but it does suggest a certain confidence and physical ease. It means that a woman is content being perceived as a sexual person in addition to being seen as someone who is intelligent, authoritative, witty and whatever else might define her personality. It also means that she feels that all those other characteristics are so apparent and undeniable, that they will not be overshadowed.
To display cleavage in a setting that does not involve cocktails and hors d’oeuvres is a provocation. It requires that a woman be utterly at ease in her skin, coolly confident about her appearance, unflinching about her sense of style. Any hint of ambivalence makes everyone uncomfortable. And in matters of style, Clinton is as noncommittal as ever.
AGGGH THEY LOOK LIKE A BLOODHOUND SLOWLY CREEPING DOWN TO THE FLOOR. OR A BUNNY’S EARS, FLOPPING GENTLY TO THE BELLY BUTTON BELOW. AWFUL. AWFUL. AWFUL. TAKE YOUR GRANDMA BOOBS BACK TO THE KITCHEN HILLARY, I DEMAND NOT TO SEE THEM AGAIN!
DAMN YOU SUMMERTIME, DAMN YOU TO HELL. I CURSE YOU SUN, CURSE YOU WITH THE STRENGTH OF A THOUSAND MEN, ALL OF WHOM VOMITING PROFUSELY AFTER BEING FORCED INTO SEEING THE VENGEFUL RACK OF CLINTON.
Prepare for lawsuits of people with severe eye damage. Myself included.
It’s a small price to pay to make sure Hillary isn’t elected.